Great, my daughter is trying to kill me.

Posted by Craig on Thursday Nov 22, 2012 Under Being a dad, Dear Daughter..., Reviews

Just look at that face of innocence in that picture below… that’s my daughter trying to kill me.

She used to be all sweetness and light…

Those wee things at the bottom of the pic? Those are people. That’s 49 feet up in the air (Mock not! You can drown in a puddle!). Basically, Daughter and I had some free time from the rest of the family, so I thought I would treat her to Alien War (wasn’t open) so we headed along to Xscape Braehead instead, which has been a firm favourite for a while – from the crazy golf to the Snow Factor, the (very expensive) Odeon cinema, the laser shooting thing and the multitude of restaurants – as there’s plenty to do.

One thing we had never done though – understandable when the other kids are one and two years old – is the Skypark or the climbing walls. Now I love climbing walls so when madam suggested this, I was well up for it. My mistake.

Where I learn I am getting old

I’ve done climbing before and loved it it (well, apart from the first time, but that’s another story. Basically got stuck on a cliff, called a teacher another C word for about two hours until I got down. Was about two feet off the ground) so I was all for climbing high, swinging from side to side like Stallone in his climbing film and showing off as a Dad does to impress a daughter.

So didn’t happen.

Somewhere along my life, something must have happened to my arms and the muscles ran away because after less than ten minutes of climbing I was in agony. I felt as if I had pulled myself up to the top of Everest when in reality I was about three feet off the ground.

One other thing I learned was that Boot Cut Jeans aren’t the best to wear because when you take your boots on to put on climbing slippers (which most likely isn’t the technical name for them) they are too long and catch on your feet. I can see why the professional types do this in spandex.

Daughter on the other hand was up and down like Spidermanwoman and making me look totally incompetent. Fortunately, our trainer chap – Jason – seemed sympathetic to my puny plight and suggested we try something else – like the Skywalk where you stroll around 49 feet up in the air and jump over some obstacles.

I loved the idea. Even moreso because Daughter was a bit scared and I thought I could look all manly and impress her on this.

Indeed. Manly me. The guy with the manly arms that couldn’t even climb a few wee fakes walls for more than five minutes.

Stumble, trip

So we get harnessed up to look like something out of 50 Shades of you know what. Daughter still not convinced while I’m all gung-ho. We get out to the first bit and then it goes pear-shaped. She was fine – scooting about with Jason as if they were on the ISS in zero-gee. I was fine until I couldn’t reach a rope to move on and all those thousands of years of evolution kicked in, going GONNA FALL FOOL. Totally weird. Apparently, according to Jason, it’s quite common as every piece of common sense you have is telling you that you are going to fall and you have to force yourself through. I came to the conclusion that she was trying to kill me. If I fell and died, she’d be first to claim my iPad or something.

You may mock, it made me feel better. They’ve probably banned people my age (25. Was a hard paper round) from going on again mind you.

After all the high-up fun and games, it was then a case of eating nearer the ground and munching away at madam’s favourite place Frankie & Benny’s.

This will sound totally selfish to point out but it was good to get some time just with madam. Quite often, because she’s eight years old, she gets left to her own devices while we’re running about trying to sort out the boys or stopping the boys from doing baby things like eating the arm of a Doctor Who toy or opening the nappy bin (seriously, what is that all about?). So it was nice to get some one-on-one time with her.

Even if she was trying to kill me from a height of 49 feet.

The one problem with Braehead – and other places like it, to be fair – is that it can be a cracking day out (and even better, it’s all indoors) but it can be an expensive day out. Especially if you are daft enough blessed to have three children who want to play golf, eat, go to the soft play (which charges for adults – first time I’ve ever seen that), play laser shooting and so on, so that’s something to bear in mind.

Having said that, it hasn’t stopped us going a good few times a year so far (sometimes we do lots, sometimes we do less. All of the time I avoid the shopping centre next door. Also seem to never get a pint mind you…). And it always seems busy, which is a good thing because most – if not all – of what you are doing here is exercise and climbing walls, fun in the snow and so on are the sort of things we should be encouraging kids to do – to get them fit and show them there’s more to sport than just football, running and rugby.

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